Happy Noodle Prince-Girl
by Pretty Vacant
Summary: The "Happy Noodle Boy" comic, starring the cast from the anime "Shoujo Kakumei Utena."
1. Episode One

*** Disclaimers 'n' Notes 'n' Stuff ***  
  
The original "Happy Noodle Boy" is copy-righted to a certain Jhonen Vasquez, and the original "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is copy-right of the Be- Papas (and any of either artists' associated parties.) Strangely enough, I am writing this before I am actually writing the piece. Oh well. It's 3:39 AM and I'm pretty much out of it. Even though the piece has not been produced yet, I am sure that foul language and mature situations are sure to come up, and, if you're concerned about it, then don't read this. Grammatical errors are intentional. Please also note that the language is something that I usually don't include in my writing. Although yes, I am just crazy enough to think of the insane things they babble about. Thank you! ^_^ This fanfic has a dedication, and it is to my dear friend, Amanda, who is also a fan of Jhonen's work and of Utena.  
  
  
  
Somewhere, in a bathroom, far, far away…  
  
[A stick figure is seen with its head in the toilet bowl, dressed in a boys' uniform, making gurgling noises.]  
  
Anthy [being resembled by a poorly drawn stick figure, with a mess of scribbled purple hair, hops in through the door]: "SOLITAIRE IS FUCKING COOL! [notices the figure by the toilet] Miss Utena? Are you drinking out of the toilet again?"  
  
[The figure lifts its head out groggily, and it has a mess of pink hair, presumably Utena.]  
  
Utena: "Yes. Toilet water is very tasty. [burps] Oscar Meyer wieners are salty! I fucking hate Janet Reno! WATER CHESTNUTS ARE GOOD WITH BACON!"  
  
[Suddenly, a person crashes through the bathroom ceiling, landing in front of them.]  
  
Anthy: "WHAT THE FUCK?!"  
  
Utena: "DID MADONNA WEAR SOCKS?!"  
  
[The person stands up. It is Kiryuu Touga.]  
  
Touga [also a badly drawn stick person with scribbled red hair]: "DAG YO!"  
  
Utena: "Oh my god! It's Barney! [pulls out a sponge from her pants] KILL IT!"  
  
[Utena flings herself at Touga, and begins to wipe the sponge on his head repeatedly.]  
  
Anthy: "I LIKE SOLITAIRE! A WHOLE FUCKING LOT!"  
  
Akio [suddenly his head pops out of the toilet; he is also a badly drawn stick person with scribbled purple hair… ok, everyone is going to be badly drawn with a scribbled mess of hair, just to let you know, because I'm getting sick of having to say that!]: "It's true! [sob] I do have sex with squirrels!"  
  
Touga: "Squirrels are da bomb! But I wouldn't have sex with one, though. I do like to have sex with other things, though, like people and large pieces of meat!"  
  
Miki [appears out of nowhere]: "WHAT'S UP, MAH HOMIES?"  
  
Utena [growling viciously, as she continues her attack on Touga]: "DIE, YOU INFLATED POOL-TOY DINOSAUR! DIE, AND FEEL THE WRATH!"  
  
Miki [suddenly starts trying to plunger Akio back down the toilet, while singing "The Thong Song"]: "That thong, thong, thong, thong, thong! Damn, yo! There's some fucking crazy thing jammed in your toilet, man!"  
  
Nanami [also appears out of nowhere]: "I LIKE TO COVER MYSELF IN SARAN WRAP AND DIP MY HANDS IN COTTAGE CHEESE!"  
  
Anthy: "I FUCKING LOVE SOLITAIRE! SOMEONE FUCKING PLAY WITH ME BEFORE I BECOME DISGRUNTLED POST OFFICE WORKER AND DO SOME NASTY SHIT, MAN!"  
  
Juri [comes out of nowhere, man!]: "I AM DANNON'S YOGURT! WITH RASPBERRY AT THE BOTTOM, DAG YO!"  
  
Saionji [jumps out of the medicine cabinet]: "FUCKING CRAZY, YO!"  
  
Nanami: "I ATE MY OWN POOP! AND IT TASTED LIKE CHICKEN, YO!"  
  
Utena: "TAMPON!"  
  
ChuChu: [head explodes]  
  
Saionji: "THAT FUCKING MONKEY'S HEAD JUST EXPLODED, YO!"  
  
Touga: "KABOOM, YO!"  
  
Anthy: "YAY!"  
  
Juri: "Let's poke with stick and see if it moves!"  
  
Utena: "FEAR MY SPONGE OF DEATH!"  
  
[Suddenly, the whole bathroom is engulfed in flames.]  
  
END, DAG YO! 


	2. Episode Two

*** Disclaimers 'n' Notes 'n' Stuff ***  
  
Once again, the original "Happy Noodle Boy" is copy-righted to Jhonen Vasquez, and the original "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is copy-right of the BePapas (and, again, their associated parties). This is the second episode of the piece of crap that I am writing, which is the American comic "Happy Noodle Boy" and the Japanese comic "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" melded into one, causing much lice and confusion in da head. Also, as always, just before I begin to write this horrible, awful piece of literature, I would like to warn anyone who is about to read this that it is crawling with naughty words and adult/pre-teen humor, complete with grammar errors, if I just feel like putting them in to make myself and the reader seem illiterate. There's also lots of elephant poop in this one. If you don't like this, or anything else mentioned above before the thing about elephant poop, then just go back and read something else, 'cause on this page, it's in da house of Momo… and the elephants who provided the poop for this episode.  
  
  
  
Note: No elephants were harmed in the making of this episode.  
  
1  
  
[Anshii and Saionji, who are both badly drawn stick figures with scribbled hair (Anshii purple, and Saionji green… wowww, purple and greeeeeen!), are standing in the middle of a meat freezer, large pieces of meat hanging on hooks from the ceiling are everywhere! Eek… large pieces of meat dangling from hooks are scaaaaaary!]  
  
Saionji: "Anshii, my lovely little Toaster Strudel, it is time for me to assault you with a harmful physical attack, some pepper spray, and then declare my love-slash-hate to you!"  
  
Anshii: "Yesss… I know, the poop is in your eyes, Saionji-san!"  
  
Saionji: "Oh my god! You're right… BITCH! You put shit in my eyes! ARRRRRRGH!!!"  
  
Anshii: "Yesss… I know, the shit is in your eyes, Saionji-san!" [holds a tub labeled "ELEPHANT POOP" in her stick-arms] "The shit of an elephant!"  
  
Saionji [rubbing his stick-hands all over his eyes]: "AAAAAAAAGH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"  
  
Miki [the stick figure, with scribbled blue hair, pops out of the ground]: "That elephant poop is pretty fucked up shit, man!"  
  
Anshii [flings a handful of elephant poop at Miki's eyes]: "POOPY-DOO!"  
  
Miki [gets poop thrown in his eyes]: "AAAAGH! POOP! THE BURNING SENSATION OF POOP! IT'S IN MY EYES, YO!"  
  
Juri [the stick figure, with scribbled orange hair, comes out of nowhere]: "It isn't very nice to chuck elephant shit at your friends, Anshii! ARR, MATEY! I AM PIRATE!"  
  
Anshii [blinks]: "GASP! A PIRATE! YOU WON'T STEAL MY ELEPHANT POOP, YOU DIRTY MUD!" [chucks poop at Juri's eyes]  
  
Juri [gets poop in her eyes]: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! THE POOP! OH, HOW IT BURNS!" [falls to the ground, rolling, where Miki is also, doing the same, along with Saionji]  
  
Touga [the stick figure with scribbled red hair appears, humping a piece of meat hanging from a hook]: "I'M HAVING SEX WITH A LARGE PIECE OF MEAT!"  
  
Anshii [chucks poop at him, but misses]: "THAT'S MY SISTER! GET AWAY FROM LOUISE! MEAT RAPER!"  
  
Nanami [the stick figure with scribbled yellow hair appears from behind the piece of meat Touga is humping, flapping her arms and pecking at the ground like a chicken]: "BYUK, BYUK! I CHICKEN!"  
  
Anshii [flings poop at Nanami's eyes]: "STUPID CHICKEN! DO NOT CHALLENGE THE ELEPHANT POOP!"  
  
Nanami [dodges the attack]: "BYUK!" [flaps her stick-arms]  
  
Anshii [scowls, takes out poop-launcher, shoots Nanami, making her fall to the ground when she it hit in the eyes by a big ball of poop]  
  
Nanami: "BYUK! ELEPHANT POOP IS BURNING MY EYES!"  
  
Anshii [evil grin]: "Yesss… the poop burns, doesn't it? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Akio [is fighting over with Touga on who is to have sex with the large piece of meat dangling from the hook]: "I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH IT, TOO, MAN!"  
  
Touga [whining like a small child]: "NOOOOO! GO FIND YOUR OWN LARGE PIECE OF MEAT!"  
  
Anshii: "Akio! Why do you want to have sex with Louise?! YOU MEATMONGER!"  
  
Akio: "Because she's a sexy piece of meat!"  
  
Anshii: "SILENCE, FOOL!" [uses her poop-launcher to fire flaming balls of poop at Touga and Akio]  
  
[Touga and Akio are both hit by the flaming poop, both fall to the ground, tearing at their eyes and yelling in pain; they are both on fire.]  
  
Utena [pops out of the bucket of poop]: "MAH ELEPHANT POOP BURNS, NO?"  
  
ChuChu: [head explodes]  
  
Everyone [everyone hit by poop who were rolling on the ground stop rolling]: "YAY!"  
  
[Everyone hit by poop then return to rolling on the ground, Touga and Akio are still on fire.]  
  
Anshii: "Yesss… the elephant poop…" [pats the bucket]  
  
[Suddenly, the whole freezer explodes.]  
  
DA END! 


	3. Episode Three

*** Disclaimers 'n' Notes 'n' Stuff ***  
  
"Happy Noodle Boy" is copy-righted to Jhonen Vasquez, "Shoujo Kakumei Utena" is copy-right BePapas (and either of the artist's associated parties), you know the drill. Ahh… it's 9:14 PM, on a Friday night, and I'm sitting here at my computer, typing away, all for some people to read my stuff and scoff at my writing skills. Why, why do I do this? Who knows? Ah, the inner-torments of a writer. Anyway, this is the third episode of "Happy Noodle Prince-Girl", and I'm happy… or something. Is three episodes enough of an excuse for me to eat three Twinkies, drink five bottles of root-beer, all the while dancing to trance music, glow-sticks around my neck, and then go to sleep on the couch, and then call it a "wild party, man!" the next morning and pretend I'm having a hangover from the root-beer? Probably not, but who knows. Oh, well… just read the friggin' thing already… I hate myself.  
  
  
  
HAPPY NOODLE PRINCE-GIRL GOES TO A SOAP FACTORY!  
  
[Utena and Anshii, both represented by two poorly drawn stick figures, are standing behind what appears to be a production-line-belt-thingy, both dressed in yellow smocks.]  
  
Utena [with a yellow hat covering her scribbled, long, pink hair]: "I HATE YOUR DONKEY, YOU COMMUNIST!" [throws a soap-bar at some poor, poor, passer- byer who just happens to walk by the belt]  
  
[The passer-by falls over, knocked out.]  
  
Anshii [also with a yellow hat that covers her scribbled, purple hair] "YOU HAVE DONE IT! YOU HAVE KILLED SATAN!"  
  
Utena: "Yes, I know I have! Now, come, fellow hub-cap, and let us go chuck soap at kindergartners!"  
  
LATER, AT THE BUSSTOP, AFTER SCHOOL…  
  
[Utena and Anshii are busy hiding behind a tree, waiting for the kindergartners to come and wait by the busstop for their bus.]  
  
[The kindergartners emerge from the school, they all happily trot to the busstop sign.]  
  
Utena [soap in hand]: "Look at them, those fucking vanilla-tasting cheese- curls! With their stupid pudding-asses! I SHALL THWART THEIR PLAN OF COVERING THE EARTH WITH SOUPY SOUP! ATTACK!"  
  
[Anshii and Utena then begin a full-frontal attack on the kindergartners, pelting every one with at least five bars of soap each; soon, every child lay still, knocked out, on the ground, yellow soap bars everywhere.]  
  
Juri [emerges from the schoolbus; a stick-person with scribbled orange hair, dressed in the bus-driver's uniform]: "It wasn't very nice to chuck that soap at them, you stupid peepeeheads! I busdriver, I control all!"  
  
Utena [eyes wide]: "Ahh, the great, wise, all-knowing bus-driver! We must bow down and surrender to your great awesomeness!"  
  
Anshii [eyes wide]: "Ahh, the great, wise, all-knowing bus-driver! We shall bow down and surrender to your great awesomeness!"  
  
Juri: "I CONTROL ALL OFFICE DEPOT'S! I AM BARBRA WALTERS!"  
  
Utena [begins to chuck soap-bars at the bus]: "HAH! STUUUUUUUUUUPID MONKEY- ASS!"  
  
[Touga, Miki, Saionji, Nanami, Akio, and ChuChu all emerge from the bus, singing and dancing, all stick-figures with scribbled hair. The singing and dancing stops.]  
  
ChuChu: [head explodes]  
  
[Everyone stops singing and dancing (Utena and Anshii and Juri are not singing or dancing, because they just aren't).]  
  
Everyone [including Utena and Anshii and Juri]: "YAY!"  
  
[Everyone then returns to singing and dancing again, Utena and Anshii and Juri go back to doing what they were doing before, which was not singing and dancing.]  
  
SOON, EVERYONE BECOME BROADWAY STARZ! SOON, AT DA BROADWAY PLACE!  
  
Big-shot director: "Now, I want all of you stupid fucks to just stand over there, in your costumes made of chile and stryofoam."  
  
Utena [foaming at the mouth]: "I SEEK HUMAN FLESH, GRRRRR! I GRIZZLY BEAR! I MEAN AND FURRY WITH THE OCCASIONAL BALD-SPOTS!" [launches herself off of the stage, clutching a pink boa, jumping onto the director]  
  
Nanami [gloms onto her brother]: "Onee-san, will you ever love me as much as you do that fucking piece of meat you hump?"  
  
Touga: "No, you stupid bitch. I will never love anyone more than my dear Louise."  
  
Nanami: "BASTARD! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID MEAT FETISH! MEAT-RAPIST, YOU ARE!" [whacks him with a giant cotton-swab, knocking off his arm]  
  
Saionji: "PEPPER-SPRAY!" [sprays everyone in the face with pepper-spray, then sprays himself]  
  
Everyone [excluding Utena, who is busy killing the Big-shot director with a pink boa]: "OH, IT BURNS! IT BURNS! OH MY GOD, IT BURNS!"  
  
Utena: "STUPID BOOBY-HEAD, DIE, DIE, DIE!"  
  
[Suddenly, the whole theater explodes into a big cloud of Kool-Aid and rainbow sprinkles.]  
  
DA STUPID BOOBY-HEAD END! 


End file.
